Give me Some SUNSHINE, Give Me Some RAIN

Its been a long long time since I wrote some blog. Well fellas its high time who've earned one hehehehe!!!!
Last few months were a bit hectic for me - I lost my closest person - my grandpa on 17th Nov'09 and then I lost track of my preparations and soon came the dreaded entrance exms kicking on my doors.Thanx to my underpreparedness and my lackadaisal effort I kept consistently giving below par tests and the results were obvious. But to be true I am stile recuperationg from my loss of my grandpa - he was very proud of me. Entire Dec. I kept myself busy with office works and entrance exams on Sundays to brush off my grandpa's memories. Soon, the results were also getting declared and I wasfeeling like this the perfect time of my life when everything I touch turns to BULLSHIT - its like the antiMIDAS -"SOUPTIK TOUCH". All thse things along with a hectic working schedule added to mine relapsing a pretty gruesome medical condition which could have otherwise requied surgery and painful one that too. My dad relented to my mom's wish and took me home for treatment and since the day I had landed here my mom tells me to star searching for a new job.
But all this while I had been thinking that day by day I am gradually falling short of my dreams, my ambitions, my goals and the future is pretty bleak and my dreams may remain only dreams. Currently I feel that we are only money making machines and that too the return is not worth it.I always wanted to do something good, something big, but what I am doing is very much the same thing over and over and over again with the same problems crooping up also over and over again. My thought is such because whatever I am doing is being done by the rest of the employed population, so good am I doing ? wheres the bloody big deal in working in a big corp.????
To sum it up its high time I thought some thing productive about myself, taken some risk and just braved forward without thinking about consequences.Thse are all beter said than done and thus I just hope that may GOD shower his blessing of sunshine and rain on this pretty twisted life of mine and give me for once what I desire.